If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Congratulations! We have a period
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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