Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
