I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
