btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
