go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
