is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
