It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
