And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize