I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize