Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
