all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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