I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
