You smell like a Billy Joel song
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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