thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
