we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
