so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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