I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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