trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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