If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
