I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize