Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
