I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
