Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
