I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
