Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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