I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize