Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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