I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize