This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
