i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
