we have officially lost it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
