One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
