Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
