There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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