Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
