we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
