So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
