Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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