Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
