This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've blown a few things in my day
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
