Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
