You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
