Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
