i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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