Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
