While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
