why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
