butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
