i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
