a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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