Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
