My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
