that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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