a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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