Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
