If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
