you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize