Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
