I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
