if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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