Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize