Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have already put on my inside pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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