if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
