he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
