Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
