Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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