Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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