i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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