i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
