All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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