Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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