before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
