I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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