this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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