Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
