I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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