he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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